Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
