If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
