I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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