I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
