opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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