If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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