I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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