Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
