ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Go christen that room with your naked body.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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