He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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