She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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