i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize