Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
