yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
