There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
