I'm going to jail i love you
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
