What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
