its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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