I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up under a house in Key West
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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