Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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