I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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