By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
