Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
