I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
