You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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