I'm jealous of your bromance
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
