I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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