do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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