I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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