who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
