you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
