Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
