I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
