Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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