You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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