Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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