Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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