He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
