it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
