I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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