Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
