I want to walk on stilts...naked
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
