So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
