Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
