just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
