I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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