so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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