hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
