Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
