Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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