I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
