Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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