New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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