i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We need a shit load of segways right now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize