Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
