the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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