she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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